Why Thanksgiving Can Be Especially Hard for People with ARFID

For many families, Thanksgiving is about togetherness, tradition, and good food. But for someone with an eating disorder, the holiday can feel more stressful than celebratory. From the endless talk about food to the pressure of eating in front of others, Thanksgiving can be a tough day for anyone in recovery. For people with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), though, the challenges are often even more complicated, and far less understood.

Why Thanksgiving Is Difficult for Many with Eating Disorders

Even without ARFID, Thanksgiving can bring up anxiety for people who struggle with food. It’s a holiday built entirely around eating, and that alone can stir up discomfort. Common triggers include:

• Food-centered gatherings.

• Disrupted routines and unpredictable meal times.

• Comments about portion sizes, diets, or body changes.

• Pressure to “try everything” or appear “normal” around food.

  
  

Even for people who have been doing well in recovery, holidays like Thanksgiving can bring old fears or behaviors to the surface. The combination of social pressure, new foods, and change in structure can be a perfect storm. When you add in the sensory sensitivities and the fear and anxiety that can come up with ARFID, the day can become even more overwhelming.

What Makes ARFID Different

Unlike other eating disorders, ARFID isn’t driven by concerns about weight or body image. It’s rooted in fear, anxiety, or sensory distress related to eating.

Someone with ARFID may avoid foods because of:

• Texture or smell sensitivities. Certain consistencies, flavors, or smells can feel unbearable.

  
  

• Fear of choking or vomiting. For some people, even one bad experience can make eating feel genuinely dangerous, triggering a level of fear that’s closer to a phobia than simple anxiety.

  
  

• Lack of interest in food. Some people with ARFID simply don’t experience hunger or pleasure from eating the way others do.

  
  

To outsiders, it can look like picky eating or stubbornness. But, in reality, ARFID is a legitimate mental health condition, and the distress it causes is very real. Someone with ARFID isn’t trying to be difficult or disrespectful by refusing to try something. They’re doing their best to manage genuine fear and sensory overload in a situation that revolves around food. Understanding that distinction is crucial. When families understand what’s really happening with ARFID, it’s easier to respond with patience instead of frustration.

Why Thanksgiving Intensifies ARFID Struggles

Many Thanksgiving foods are unfamiliar or can be outside a person with ARFID’s comfort zone. All the casseroles, mixed textures, and strong aromas can easily become overwhelming to them.

Here are a few specific reasons the day can be so hard:

Unfamiliar foods. Traditional dishes like stuffing or sweet potatoes often combine flavors and textures that feel unpredictable or hard to tolerate.

Pressure to eat socially. When people start saying ‘just take one bite,’ it can feel like all the attention shifts to the person who can’t do it, making them feel even more anxious or ashamed. For someone with ARFID, that “one bite” may feel as frightening as asking someone else to jump into freezing water or hold a spider. They're not being difficult, they are genuinely distressed and experiencing sensory overload.

Attention from others. Comments like “You’re so picky” or “You’ll like it if you try it” are often well-intentioned but can trigger panic or embarrassment. Even casual jokes about food can make someone feel they are in the “hot seat.”

Limited safe foods. Traveling or eating at someone else’s house can mean that the foods they typically rely on aren’t available. Without predictable options, it can be hard to relax or feel at ease.

How to Support Someone with ARFID at Thanksgiving

If a loved one struggles with ARFID, you can make the day far less stressful by being compassionate and flexible.

1. Don’t pressure or comment on their plate. Avoid drawing attention to what they are (or aren’t) eating. Even positive comments can add pressure and make them feel more self-conscious about food.

2. Include foods they feel comfortable eating. Encourage them to bring something they know they can eat, and make sure it’s welcomed at the table without making it a big deal. 

3. Focus on connection, not the meal.Try shifting conversation toward shared memories, gratitude, or simple check-ins. Make the goal of the day quality time, and let the food be secondary.

4. Be supportive, not pressuring.Simple acknowledgment can mean a lot. Even something like “I’m glad you’re here” or “It’s nice to have you join us” can help them feel included without drawing attention to food.

5. Plan ahead for discomfort.If multiple relatives are attending, identify one supportive person they can step away with if things feel too overwhelming.

Thanksgiving is meant to be about gratitude, not proving how much someone can eat. An empathetic and also realistic approach helps everyone feel more at ease and often makes it easier for those with ARFID to participate.

For Families: What to Remember

If your loved one lives with ARFID, Thanksgiving might not look traditional, and that’s okay. The table may not include every dish, or mealtime may look different from what you’re used to. What matters most is the sense of love and connection you build around the meal. The goal isn’t to have a “perfect” Thanksgiving,  it’s to create an environment where everyone can participate in a way that feels manageable.

Recovery will look different for everyone. For some, it may mean taking a few bites of a familiar food, while for others, it might mean simply sitting at the table and being part of the moment. Both are meaningful steps forward.