Many of us struggle with the constant need to please others, often at the expense of our own needs and desires. While it’s normal to want to be liked and accepted, chronic people-pleasing can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment. It can feel as if you are tripped in a prison of people pleasing behaviors. If you find yourself continuing to seek validation, to the detriment of your own wellness, it’s time to challenge those people pleasing tendencies.
The first step in recovering from people-pleasing is increased awareness. Start to notice whether you are agreeing to things you don’t want to do or feeling guilty when you prioritize yourself. Identifying these patterns is crucial for understanding how deeply ingrained people-pleasing may be in your life. It’s also useful to periodically check in with yourself and your mental, emotional and physical capacities. If you’re at your limit for the day but someone wants to lean on you for support or asks you to do them a favor, take a second to check in with yourself and see if you have the space to take this on. If not, then learning to say no is very important! Learning to say no is an essential skill in your recovery journey. Start small by declining minor requests that you normally feel obligated to accept. This practice builds confidence and reinforces the idea that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs. Remember, saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s a way to practice self-care. Along with saying no, comes setting more boundaries. Boundaries create a protective framework that allows you to communicate to yourself and others what is acceptable and what is not, preventing the overwhelm that often accompanies the desire to please everyone. This practice fosters self-respect as it empowers you to say no without guilt and to engage in interactions that honor your true feelings. Boundaries can be challenging but, phrasing them with “I” statements and remaining assertive rather than aggressive, can respectfully convey your stance to others. Remember that people-pleasing often stems from deep-seated beliefs about self-worth and acceptance. Challenge thoughts like “I must earn my worth” or “If I say no, they’ll hate me.” Reframe these thoughts with positive affirmations: “My needs are valid,” and “I deserve to be treated with respect.” This shift in thoughts can help reduce the pressure to please others. Recovering from people-pleasing is a tough journey. But with practice and persistence you can gradually shift your focus from pursuing external validation to prioritizing your own needs.
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