When You’re Dreading the Holidays: How to Cope With the Pressure to Be Happy

The holiday season has a way of sneaking up on us. Seemingly overnight our cities become full of twinkle lights, traditions, and the expectation that we should all be fully of holiday cheer. But for many people, the holidays don’t feel happy at all.

Maybe you’re dreading the holidays this year. Maybe you’re grieving someone. Maybe family gatherings feel tense or complicated. Maybe you’re stretched too thin, or just not in the mood to celebrate. Whatever the reason, you’re not alone if this time of year feels more stressful or depressing than joyful. Feeling holiday stress, sadness, or even holiday depression doesn’t mean something is wrong with you,  it means you’re human.

The truth is, very few people experience the holidays as purely “happy.”  So it’s important to recognize that you can experience more than one emotion at once. You can miss someone deeply and feel grateful for who’s still around. You can look forward to certain moments and dread others. You can love your family and feel completely overwhelmed by them.  Mixed emotions don’t mean you’re doing the holidays wrong, and if you’re struggling to cope with the holidays, you’re not alone.

The Pressure to Be Fine

There’s a cultural expectation this time of year that seems to say: Smile, be grateful, participate in the festivities,  don’t ruin the mood. And when you can’t meet that expectation, it’s easy to feel like you’re letting people down.

But pretending to be fine when you’re not doesn’t make the pain go away, it just makes you feel more alone in it. Real connection happens when we allow ourselves to be honest. Sometimes that looks like saying, “This year feels hard.” Sometimes it’s skipping an event, or asking for a quiet night in. Sometimes it’s admitting that happiness feels unreasonable right now. Whatever the choice, you don’t have to fake it through this whole season.

If You’re Dreading the Holidays, Try These:

• Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. You don’t need to justify your sadness or stuff it down. You are entitled to your own emotions.
  

• Simplify your commitments. You’re allowed to do less this year. Consider committing to fewer events and expectations and scheduling more time to relax and take care of yourself.
  

• Find moments of calm. Step outside for some fresh air, make a cup of tea, or take a slow morning. Small breaks like that can help your body unwind and your mind reset, which is an important part of maintaining positive mental health during the holidays.
  

• Reach out instead of pulling away completely. Send a quick text, join a support group, or spend time with people who understand. The right kind of connection (low-pressure and genuine) can go a long way.
  

• Pay attention to the small moments that feel easier or lighter. They might not fix everything, but they can help the day feel a little more manageable.

You Don’t Have to Be Happy to Belong

The holidays aren’t a test of how positive you can be, they’re just another part of life, and life includes joy, sorrow, hope and disappointment. If this season feels complicated, that doesn’t make you ungrateful or broken. It makes you real. And sometimes, showing up honestly, even with tears, silence, or an “I’m trying” is the most meaningful way to be part of the season.