The Comparison Trap: Social Media and the “Perfect Holiday” Illusion

Every November, social media starts to turn into a highlight reel of holiday perfection. Matching pajamas, beautifully decorated tables, smiling families, cozy captions about gratitude.

It can be nice to see…. until it’s not.

If you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling and thinking, “Everyone else seems so happy. Why can’t I feel that way?,” you’re not alone. The truth is, holiday comparison on social media is incredibly common, and it can quietly chip away at your mood, your confidence, and your sense of belonging.

This is what many people call the holiday comparison trap. It’s that cycle we all tend to get stuck in of measuring your real life against someone else’s highlight reel and feeling like you don’t measure up.

Why We Fall Into the Comparison Trap

Comparison is part of human nature. For most of history, paying attention to how we measured up helped us survive and belong. We’re social creatures by design, so our brains learned to scan for where we fit in, how others were doing, and what might keep us accepted in the group. Because back in caveman days, getting kicked out of the “tribe” could get us killed. 

That instinct to compare ourselves still exists, but now it’s playing out on a massive, digital scale. Instead of comparing ourselves to a small circle of people we actually know, we’re comparing our lives to hundreds or thousands of strangers online, most of whom are only showing their best moments.

Platforms like Instagram and TikTok fuel that instinct, giving us a constant stream of highlights that make it easy to forget that real life looks a lot messier and more complex.

When Comparison Turns Into Pressure

It’s easy to start measuring your life against what you see online. You might start to think:

• “I should be doing more.”

• “My family doesn’t look as happy as everyone else.”

• “I should feel more festive.”
  

That “should” voice is where comparison does its damage. It shifts your focus away from what’s real toward what’s performative. And when your real life doesn’t look like someone else’s highlight reel, it can leave you feeling behind, inadequate, or guilty, even if nothing is actually wrong.

This pressure can be especially intense if you’re already feeling lonely, grieving, or going through a tough season. Seeing other people’s “perfect” holidays can make it seem like you’re missing something essential, when in reality, you’re just human, living through all the same ups and downs that most people never post about.

When Social Media Starts to Feel Like Too Much:

You don’t have to delete every app or swear off scrolling forever. But being intentional about how you use social media can make a big difference.

1. Take breaks, even short ones. Put the phone down for an afternoon or leave it in another room during dinner. Notice how your mood shifts when you spend less time online and more time actually living your life.

2. Curate your feed. Unfollow or mute accounts that spark comparison or make you feel like you’re not enough. Instead, follow people who post realistically or share things that genuinely make you feel connected, inspired, or understood.

3. Remind yourself what matters. Ask yourself: “What’s important to me this season?” Maybe it’s spending time with your kids, getting rest, or keeping things simple. Social media will always show you someone else’s version of the holidays, but it doesn’t have to define yours.

4. Notice what’s real. Pay attention to moments that are imperfect but meaningful: laughing at a burnt pie, watching a movie with someone you love, a quiet night when you finally relax. Real life isn’t always photo-worthy, but it’s where some of the best memories can happen.

Your Holidays Don’t Have to Be Picture-Perfect

The holidays aren’t a competition. They’re not a test of how good your decorations are or how photogenic your family looks. They’re simply another time of year filled with a little of everything from good to bad moments and in-between. 

So if your holidays look a little messier than what you see online, that’s okay. You’re not doing it wrong, you’re just living an authentic life. Stepping out of that holiday comparison trap is about finding meaning in what’s real instead of what’s filtered.